10/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

Dad Joke of the day

One for the musically inclined

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.”

So the magistrate kept listening, “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

Dad Joke of the day

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5/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke

Never forget a name

So imagine you are dating this girl named Lorraine, she is AWFUL. She stalks you, goes through your phone, and other crazy girlfriend things. The times you have tried to break up with her is countless but she always weasels her way out of it and you find yourself not doing it

However there is this girl named Claire Lee. She is absolutely amazing, smart, pretty, overall a 10/10. You guys are just friends because you are “dating Lorraine” but you want to be so much more.

So you and Lorraine are out at dinner and all of a sudden Lorraine proposes to you, You have no idea what to say and somehow you actually agree with it because she is that convincing.

A few months pass by and it is your wedding day. You are standing at the altar waiting for Lorraine to walk down the aisle. Then out of nowhere someone comes running in screaming “LORRAINE IS GONE! LORRAINE IS GONE!” Nobody knows where Lorraine is. Somebody says they think they saw her leave in a car a few minutes ago. Everyone is freaking out but all you can think is

.

..

“I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine is gone”

dad joke

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31/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke

Money isn’t everything

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother
who lived far away in another city.
The first said, “I had a big house built for Mum.”
The second said, “I had a hundred thousand pound theater built in the house.”
The third said “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”
The fourth said, “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute £100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mum sent out her thank you notes.
She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”
“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my shopping delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”
“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.”
“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.”

 

More Daily Dad Jokes available at:

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27/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke of the day

How to Summon a Dad

  • Make a circle out of power tools – screwdrivers and wrenches will do if you don’t have enough
  • Place a pair of socks inside sandals in the middle of the summoning circle
  • Touch the Thermostat
  • Chant “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad” over and over

19/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke

Like Father Like Son. . .

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father.

“Well son, now you have a kid of your own, I think its time to give you this”

“Dad, you don’t mean-”

“Yes son, I do”, Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th edition

“Dad, I’m honored” he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

“Hi Honored”, replies his father. “I’m Dad”

dad joke

16/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke

Technology can’t replace everything

I asked my son if he had seen my newspaper

He told me nobody reads newspapers anymore

He said that people use tablets these days and handed me his Ipad

. . .That fly didn’t stand a chance

11/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

Dad Joke of the day

simple tasks can sometimes be the hardest. . .

I got a job collecting litter at our local park.

I asked my boss if there was any training,

He said, “Nah, You’ll pick it up as you go along”

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8/5/18 – Dad Joke(s) of the Day

dad joke

Two for the price of one

Why wasn’t the child allowed to go to the pirate show?

Cause it was rated ARRR.

 

What’s a Pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

R? no the C!