5/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke

Never forget a name

So imagine you are dating this girl named Lorraine, she is AWFUL. She stalks you, goes through your phone, and other crazy girlfriend things. The times you have tried to break up with her is countless but she always weasels her way out of it and you find yourself not doing it

However there is this girl named Claire Lee. She is absolutely amazing, smart, pretty, overall a 10/10. You guys are just friends because you are “dating Lorraine” but you want to be so much more.

So you and Lorraine are out at dinner and all of a sudden Lorraine proposes to you, You have no idea what to say and somehow you actually agree with it because she is that convincing.

A few months pass by and it is your wedding day. You are standing at the altar waiting for Lorraine to walk down the aisle. Then out of nowhere someone comes running in screaming “LORRAINE IS GONE! LORRAINE IS GONE!” Nobody knows where Lorraine is. Somebody says they think they saw her leave in a car a few minutes ago. Everyone is freaking out but all you can think is

.

..

“I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine is gone”

dad joke

More Daily Dad Jokes available at:

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27/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke of the day

How to Summon a Dad

  • Make a circle out of power tools – screwdrivers and wrenches will do if you don’t have enough
  • Place a pair of socks inside sandals in the middle of the summoning circle
  • Touch the Thermostat
  • Chant “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad” over and over

11/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

Dad Joke of the day

simple tasks can sometimes be the hardest. . .

I got a job collecting litter at our local park.

I asked my boss if there was any training,

He said, “Nah, You’ll pick it up as you go along”

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Dad’s Best Friend Pt 2

Dad's Best Friend

Dog has always been referred to as Man’s Best Friend, but what about Dad’s Best Friend? A lot of the time when Families grow, relationships change. Dog doesn’t always understand that, how can you make sure everyone feels like part of the family?

If you haven’t already check out part 1 Dad’s Best Friend to get some background into our household and how it changed once kids came along.

Now that child and dog are the best of friends (most of the tine). We have started involving our son in everything to do with dog

Feeding

Probably the easiest to teach but one that can go horribly wrong. While we can’t yet leave this one entirely to our son, he does make sure we don’t forget. Its become a routine now and if our son is left out he generally makes us feed the dog again.

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Bathing

We have only recently involved our son with this. He didn’t quite know what to make of it, and at the end he wanted to hop in the dog bath too.

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Grooming

Another one that was easy to teach was to brush our dog’s hair. This is handy as our dog malts a lot and we have floorboards (tumble weeds of dog hair anyone?) The only one to watch with this is that they don’t try to brush their own hair with the dog-brush.

 

Watching Clean Up

I can’t wait until we can pass this onto our son as his chore. Apparently a 2 year shouldn’t be left alone to clean up a dogs mess. They are quite happy to watch though. Just make sure they don’t try it when your not watching.

 

Dad's Best Friend
Dad’s Best Friend

While these might seem like simply every day tasks that we as humans can do ourselves. It will take some work for your child to understand why we need to help our 4 legged friends out with them. Bonus is in the long run its one less thing for you to worry about.

If your kids came before your dog and they won’t stop asking for one. Maybe show them this list as a starting point for the responsibilities they are going to have.

4/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke

Everyone has heard this story before

My Girlfriend left me because I never put the toilet seat down.

To be fair, I’m not even sure why I started carrying it.

2/5/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

dad joke

since when do zebra’s cross the road?

 

I spent ages trying to cross a busy road. . .

A passer-by said “there’s a zebra crossing up the road”

I replied “I hope he’s having better luck then me”.

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26/4/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

Don’t promise if you can’t deliver

Last year i replaced all the windows in my house that that expensive, double-pane, energy efficient kind. Today I got a call from the contractor who installed them.

He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid him for them.

So I told him just what his fast talking salesman had told me last year.

“these windows will cut your energy bill in half and pay for themselves in one year”.